Condoms may help prevent getting an STD. They may even prevent unplanned pregnancies. But there is absolutely no condom for the soul, and that’s what’s not talked about much. Allow me to explain.
I was raised in church my whole life. I came from a very strong background and foundation, and I knew that having premarital sex was a sin.
“(Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body) ” NLT 1 Cor. 6:18
Then matriculating through school, we were informed of all types of STDs with knowledge and pictures that scared the mess out of me!… But not enough to not want me to have sex…after all, the guys that I messed with could never have any of those types of diseases. Right? And it’s true, no they didn’t, and of course I stayed on birth control while I wasn’t saved to ensure I wouldn’t get pregnant, because I KNEW I didn’t want any babies out of wedlock. And I didn’t have any.
BUT none of these “preventions” kept me away from the sting of having a soul tie. In fact, my soul-tie with boyfriends in college were the driving force to my suicidal thoughts. Suicide? Yes. Before I came back to Christ in 2008, I was contemplating suicide everyday towards the end of 2007. You can read more about my road to overcoming from my book on Amazon, “Amanda’s Story: Overcoming Molestation & Depression” .
So back to this story. I didn’t know why I felt so crazy everyday! I had been drilled about not having sex to avoid sinning, pregnancies, and STDs, but you mean NOBODY told me what premarital sex could do to the condition of my soul?
Omg I felt bamboozled! And that’s why I’m writing this. Because there is some lady that’s reading this that hasn’t been able process why you feel the way you feel about this guy. Someone is reading this and you KNOW that relationship that you are in is ungodly, no matter how bad you try to justify it.
You know that if you’re having sex before marriage, if you died right now you would be going to hell. But still, it’s not clicking to you WHY you just can’t let go.
Let me help you as I talk about the consequences of ungodly soul ties.
So what is this soul tie thing I’m writing about?
Well in a nut shell, a soul tie is literally the “tying” of two souls together. In fact, that’s why sex is ordained within the confines of marriage. It FUSES two people together. That’s a good soul tie.
An ungodly soul tie is a fusing together of two souls in an ungodly, unhealthy way through the act of sex.
That’s why it’s quite possible to be married to Ricky, but still be longing for jimmy and jonny from past relationships. It’s because your soul is still KNIT with those other two!
Since this blog is written for women, let me be real with you. Men are NOT affected by sex like we are. For men, sex is more physical than emotional. But for women sex is more emotional than it is physical.
Think of the person that was hardest for you to let go? Was it the man that you slept with or the man that you did not? Hmmmm most women would answer that it was harder to let go of the man that she slept with.
So now let me give you some consequences of these ungodly soul ties as quickly as possible.
◊Ungodly soul ties Distract:
Ever felt like you can’t get him out of your mind? And trust me honey, getting a new boyfriend won’t solve that problem. That will just add on a new set of problems.
The reality is that sex has so tied you to that man’s soul that although he has moved on, your mind is still there with him. It literally robs you of your focus and often causes you to begin to ignore your true priorities and responsibilities, which leads to a series of other downward spiraling events as follows:
◊Ungodly soul ties distort your rational.
◊Ungodly soul ties cause you to retreat and want to be alone.
◊Ungodly soul ties make you view yourself in a way less that the way God views you.
How do you view you?
Once you become tied to a man in an ungodly way you become more prone to living for “that guy” than living for God. You end up taking on a man’s idea of you instead of God’s idea of you. That man becomes your idol because you will do ANYTHING to please him and not God. Sounds like someone’s in love right?
The only problem is he has become your world but you have not become his. He has not given you priority, he has not given you commitment, and quite frankly he will most likely not give you a future.
Being tied to a man in an ungodly way often carries the illusion of being in love, but In actuality it’s more like being in an emotionally confused state. Especially for the lady that doesn’t get the privilege of having the man she slept with actually stick around.
Once the man is done with his sexual adventure, the woman is left broken. Ultimately this is what the soul tie leads too. Let’s look at the typical progression again.
The distractions lead to irrational decisions. Eventually he leaves.
As you begin to retreat and be alone you start feeling like maybe the man you slept with doesn’t think you’re good enough, pretty enough, or whatever “enough”. After all, if you were enough he would have stayed right?
The truth is you are all that and a bag of chips. You’re special to God and you have a lot to offer to someone who is going to be more committed to you than to what you have to offer. These are just a few to get you thinking!
So you’re like, ok, Amanda, but how do I become FREE from these soul ties? Glad you asked.
1. Write down the name of every man (his first and last name) that you have had sex with and begin to ask the Lord to destroy the soul tie that is between you two.. You have to confess your sins.
∇ Helping note: You can’t change anything that you’re unwilling to confront.
- Repent. That doesn’t mean to just ask for forgiveness. That means to CHANGE your ways. You. Must. Stop. Having. Sex. With. Jimmy.
- Pray pray pray.
- Admit your struggle to God. Just because you repent and stop having sex before marriage does not mean you will no longer struggle with the desire to do so.
- Be accountable to someone during your process of recovery
Some of you are crying as you read this post. I know because I began to weep as I wrote it. The Lord showed me a generation of women who have been scattered away from Him due to experiences of being undermined and mishandled, but He is reawakening in you a new desire for Him.
You’re feeling what you’re feeling as you read because freedom has come to your life. God is doing a new thing in your life and you’re not going to need to retreat to any relationship of your past in order to find satisfaction in your future.
Don’t read this blog and ignore His beckoning. He loves you sooooo much. And as he begins to show you more and more how valuable you are to Him you will never again settle for counterfeit lover, or one night stand.
Know This: THIS IS NOT HOW YOUR STORY ENDS!!! God is getting you ready for your next chapter. If God could save me and deliver me from ungodly soul ties, he can do the same for you! If you have genuinely done these steps, this is the dawning of a new day for you. I’m so excited about your future.
Love you so much!♥
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I go more in depth on the subject of soul ties in my book called “Amanda’s Story: Overcoming Molestation & Depression” so be sure to order it today on amazon.